I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
