Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
