Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
