you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
