In the future we'll all be gay
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Randomize
