Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
