Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
