I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
