I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
