Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
