Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
