she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
