On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
