So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
