I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So much rum. So many feels.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
