You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
