Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
