Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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