I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
