I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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