forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
