Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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