We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
