I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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