its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
