Im at strip club and am horny
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never underestimate the power of titties
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
