Don't you send me to vm
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Randomize
