Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
