I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
