im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
