4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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