She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
