if i can run in heels then i can drive
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
