I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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