mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
