I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
