Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
