i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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