walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
