he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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