I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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