I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Randomize
