Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
