I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
