Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
