Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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