If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
COCAINE IS GR8
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
