I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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