so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
