hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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