Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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