Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
