I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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