apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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